Kadugo

Hindi ko alam kung kelan nagsimula, kung saan at paano. Basta nahuli ko na lang ang sariling puso kong tumitibok para kay Mitch. Isa ako sa mga minalas na makaramdam ng pagmamahal sa ipinagbabawal. Anu bang magagawa ko? Lahat nga ng bawal eh masarap di ba?

Minsan, ang sarap balikan ng nakaraan. Minsan naman ay para itong isang bangungot na nais mong takasan. Sa kaso ko, hindi ko alam kung paano ako ituturing ang aking nakaraan. Ngayon ay nagbabalik ako sa aming lumang tirahan. Ang gusaling naging saksi sa aking pagtangis, pangangarap, pagmamahal at paglisan. Sa pagbabalik kong ito, hindi ko maiwasang hindi maalala si Mitch.

Si Mitch. Ang babaeng aking pinakamamahal sunod kay ina. Sa edad nya dating labing-lima, nagtaglay na sya ng kakaibang ganda, natatanging halina. Noon ako ay labing-syam na taong gulang. Sa murang isipan, nilamon kami ng kapusukan. Alam ko, at alam ni Mitch na hindi lang basta paghahanap ng init ng katawan ang hanap namin. May mas mataas pa. Forbidden love. Sariwa pa bagong huling isda ang mga ala-ala namin ni Mitch. Simula sa simpleng pagdadampi n gaming mga kamay sa paggawa ng mga gawaing bahay hanggang sa pasikretong pagkikita namin sa kanyang kwarto.

Sa batang edad namin, dala na rin siguro ng pagmamahal at kuryosidad, hindi napigilan ng aming mga katawan ang pagsilakbo ng init. Isang linggo ng umaga, habang walang tao sa bahay naganap ang hindi inaasahan.

Noong una, kinakabahan pa kami pareho. Pero hindi nagtagal at bumigay na kami sa kasayahang dulot ng ginawa namin. Ang sarap sa pakiramdan. Habang tahimik. Feeling naming eh kami sina Adan at Eba bago ipanganak si Cain. Paraiso!

Gusto ko sanang ikwento ang buong detalye mula sa pagplano ng pagpasok naming sa kwarto hanggang sa kung paanu kami nakalabas. Pero, naalala ko na may mga kasintanda ni Mitch ang maaaring nagbabasa na nito ngayon. Ayokong mapariwara ang buhay nila tulad ng pagkasira ng buhay ni Mitch dahil sa katangahan ko, sa kasakiman.

Kung paanong nagtapos ang maliligaya naming sandali ay hindi inaasahan. Nagising na lamang ako sa mumunting pag-iyak ni Mitch sa labas ng kwarto. Bago pa man ako nakalabas papuntang living room, ni hindi na nga akong nag-abalang magsuot pa ng damit o kahit brief man lang, nakasalubong ko na si Itay, dala and isang dos por dos.

“Walang hiya kang bata ka! Paano mo to nagawa sa kapatid mo?” pagalit na sigaw ni Itay habang pinapalo gamit ang kahoy sa aking mga binti. Sa kabilang dako ng bahay, rinig na rinig ko ang panaghoy ni Mitch, nagmamakaawa kay Itay. Nakikita ko syang nagpupumiglas sa mahigpit na pagkakahawak sa kanya ni Inay.

“Bakit sa kapatid mo pa?” sambit ni Inay, sa pagmamakawang boses. Nanunuot sa aking mga buto’t laman ang pagtangis nya. Hindi ko na nga magawang sumilip man lang sa kanya.

“Lumayas ka dito. Hayop ka! Wala akong anak na tulad mo!” dagdag ni itay.

“Kuya..” pahabol na sigaw ni Mitch.

Kahit sa kanya ay hindi ako makatingin. Walang lingon-likod kong tinungo ang aking kwarto. Nag-empake ng gamit at tuluyang nilisan ang aming tahanan.

Mula nang umalis ako ng bahay, hindi ko na muling nakita pa si Mitch kahit ang mga inay at itay. Wala akong naging ideya kung nagkaanak ba kami ng kapatid ko o hindi.

Nagsisisi naman ako sa ginawa kong paglapastangan sa pigging birhen ng aking nakababatang kapatid. Pero hindi ko pinagsisisihan ang pagmamahal ko sa kanya.

Huling Habilin

Ako, si Steven Reyes, Pilipino, nasa tamang edad, (sa wakas ay) nakasal kay Ashley Evangelista, ipinanganak noong ika-11 ng Nobyembre 1972, residente sa Taytay, Rizal, nasa matinong pag-iisip (sa awa naman ng Diyos), na kumikilos na naaayon sa sariling desisyon at hindi dahil sa pananakot ng iba, ay nagdedeklara na ang papel na ito ang katibayan ng aking Huling Habilin, sa Filipino, na wika ko.

Idinedeklara ko na:

1. Kapag namatay ako, nais kong ilibing ninyo ang aking mga labi sa ating mausoleum sa may Maynila, hindi sa kung saan-saang patay at maruming ilog ninyo ako itatapon kung ayaw nyong multuhin ko kayo.
2. Sa lahat ng aking mga naging anak: anak kay Ashley, anak kay Linda, anak kay Teresita, Soledad at anak sa iba pa (kung meron man akong naging anak sa tuhod at talampakan), inihahabilin ko sa inyo ang halos lahat ng pag-aari ko. At iyon ay kayo. Ingatan nyo sana ang isa’t-isa.
3. Sa aking mga kapatid, Troy, James at Greg: Salamat sa pag-ako at sa pananagutan nyo kina Linda, Teresita, Soledad at sa mga naging anak namin. Huwag kayong mag-alala. Tuluyan ko na silang inihahabilin sa inyo. Sana makuntento kayo.
4. Sa aking Assistant: Katrina, maraming salamat sa iyong magandang performance sa trabaho. Dahil sayo, umunlad ang aming negosyo. Salamat rin sa pag-extra mo sa amin, kapag busy si misis. Salamat at itinago mong lihim ang ating relasyon at ang relasyon namin ng iba pa. Kung hindi lang sana ako mamamatay na kaagad, ipo-promote sana kita. Pero, hayaan mo na. Ipinapaman ko na sa’yo ang mga pinaghirapan mo. Sa’yo na ang mga papeles mo. Huwag mo na lang tapusin ang mga yun.
5. Sa administrador ng testamentong ito: Wag mo munang ipapabasa ang dokyumentong ito sa asawa ko hangga’t nabubuhay pa ako. Maaring yun pa ang maging dahilan ng pagkamatay ko. Hayaan mo, may ipamamana rin ako sa’yo. Ang asawa ko.
6. Sa aking maybahay: Ashley Evangelista, siguro kapag nalaman mo ang tungkol sa testamentong ito, ay maghuramentado ka. Pero, may karapatan ka naming magalit e. Sana lang ay mapatawad mo ako sa aking mga nagawang kasalanan sa’yo. Wala akong maibibigay, maibabahagi o maipamamana sa’yo. Bukod sa puso ko. Kahit hindi kita masyadong napakain ng husay, nawa’y nabusog kita ng pagmamahal. Mahal kita.

Lahat ng nabanggit sa itaas ay pawing katotohanan lamang. Promise!

Sgd.

Steven Reyes

What A Fool I Am!

Who would have thought that the cold I would easily be tamed by a clumsy girl like Loraine?

It all started with linking me with Loraine. Well, I couldn’t deny the fact that she really has stunning beauty, Einstein-like intelligence, pleasing personality, an admiring confidence and a good sense of humor. But I was not really affected by it. It’s just that I didn’t care. Maybe I fell in love mainly because of her clumsiness above all those things.

I thought I was a wild horse. I knew I really was hard to be tamed. I was stubborn you would lose all of your stored energy to persuade me. But with Loraine, I was like a jellyfish. So soft. I was like a glass. So delicate. She did not put much effort just to capture my stone-built heart.

I was fond of Loraine’s clumsiness. She did not fail to make me love her every time she stumbled down the floor, fell from the first step of the stairs, and slipped accidentally on the wet sidewalk. During those times, I could just compare her to a mirror that would shatter immediately the time it reached the floor. So fragile. I had always wanted to catch her in my arms. I was always there for her. Beside her.

We got so close we were glued to the max. I could feel her intimate feelings for me. And she could feel my poignant love for her. I loved what I had felt inside me. A feeling that was hard to resist. I thought we were okay. So, Loraine thought too.

Like a hot potato, I immediately put away my grip on her. I tried to shoo her away.

I loved her. She loved me. It’s the main reason why I let her go. I was afraid I was not worthy of her. I was afraid I would hurt her. Physically and emotionally. She besought for my return. She cried a lot. But I showed her that I didn’t care.

But it is just now that I came to realize that the moment I let her go was also the same moment I hurt her.

And I knew that definitely, I was a jerk.

Soulmate

I had lived with the idea that all was fair in love and war. And I was right. At least, at first.

Once, in my life, there came a time when I had to force myself to believe that everyone of us had his or her own twin flame. Yes, twin flame. Someone whom I thought would join me for the rest of our lives. Someone I am comfortable to go with. Someone I love. And someone who loves me back.

Someone I thought named Stephanie. She was supposed to be my twin flame. My twin soul. My soulmate. If fate did not just meddle in our own business.

Stephanie was just a plain girl, with long braided hair, pinkish cheeks, reddish and kissable lips, tall and svelte. She was kind, respectful, thoughtful, lovable. I loved her. She loved me. We were happy.

I could not say that we really were compatible to be together. Our thoughts, ideas and outlooks in different aspects of life clash. Chaos was between us every time a squabble occurred. But she was the one who always tried to make things okay again. And I continued loving her because of that.

Steph and I were just two years married. Happily married. And after those two years, we got separated. Our lives were both destroyed. Our marriage expired. She was out of my life. She abandoned me. She chose Him over me. That was three years ago.

I thought she was my soulmate. I knew that might be possible or impossible. Maybe, she really was not. I tried to grieve over her death. I tried to move on. I tried to date other girls after two years, when I thought I was brave enough to face the real world again. I tried to look for my real soulmate.

Yeah. I tried but I failed. Over and over again. I was not able to move on. I was stuck in this lonely world. If she really were my soulmate, then why did she leave me so suddenly? So fast I had not readied myself. I didn’t actually need eternity with her. I just wanted to live with her until senility sucked our breaths. To enjoy our happy moments while they lasted. To have kids and grandsons and granddaughters. But we were deprived of those privileges. And I was deprived of her. My Steph.

Until now, I am still in love with Steph. I don’t think I could, I would and should re-marry. Because one Steph is enough for me.

Maybe the soulmate thing isn’t real. It’s just simply a mystical connotation. No evidence that it is true. I just washed away all the sad thoughts and was grateful that once in my life, I knew I loved and I was loved.

Is there really a soulmate for everyone?

If there is, then why am I alone in this world now?

Cameraman

Every time I see your sweet smile, tears start to fall down my cheeks. All the walls built around me begin to fall. I am afraid it would always be your last smile for me.

I have felt this for so long. The abnormal fast beating of the heart. Always remembering that person. Smiling consistently. Absent-mindedness. Trembling of hands and weakening of the knees and other body parts. Yes. You may think that I am physically ill and mentally disabled. But I know I am in love. Definitely in love.

With just a click on the camera, everyone with me flashed his sweetest and seductive smile. After the first take, it was my turn to capture the class’ pictures. That had always been our daily routine. My daily routine. I was gonna join in the first shoot, and then I would take the next pictures. I have done this voluntarily. I have always considered myself to be the cameraman or the photographer of the class. I know you are curious why.

I have always been addicted to her smile, partly innocent, partly seductive. I have always been touched or affected by it. Maybe that was the first reason why I fell in love with her. Since seeing her first smile on camera, I have always desired to capture every curving of her lips. That way, though we were not close, still I could see her smiling directly at me, looking into my eyes.

I don’t know if I were really obsessed with her. Well, I have just a collection of our class pictures. All from our classmates’ birthday celebrations, field trips, food trip, unexpected walks, etc. To tell you honestly, I have two folders of her in my archives. The first one consists of all of her pics taken by me and the second one, taken by others.

How sweet of me!

I have always readied myself for her last smile. But I have never given much thought to how it would look like. This one was much unexpected, striking. I was able to capture her last smile. But I was sad.

Everything has come to an end. My work as a photographer. My happiness. The cessation of flowing of my tears. The durability of the walls surrounding me. And most importantly, her life.

Her smile. Her smile of goodbye.

And true enough, my worst fear has come to haunt me. Forever.

I will always treasure her smiles. Gone was she, but not the memories.

Blind

I loved her so much. My life just revolved around her. I have her as my own sun. It might sound corny, but being corny sometimes was part of being in love.

I so loved her that I forgot everything about me. I forgot to hang-out with my friends. To attend mass with my family. To go to different restaurants to eat with my classmates. I almost forgot my name because of her. Yes, I thought I was really going crazy.

I was blinded by her beauty, humor, and intelligence. I gave all my time for her, making me ignore others. I was glad to see her thin lips forming into the cutest smile. I was happy to smell the most fragrant scent. I wanted to hear her jokes then her soft laughter. I desired to listen to her trivia, willing to know more about everything despite the fact that I loathed studying. Many things about me had changed. Because of her. I was not accustomed to change but eventually, I learned to accept it, thinking that change was good, sometimes.

Too bad, we were not together. I wasted all my time thinking of her, imagining that she was mine and I was hers. All this time, I was alone, forcing myself to enjoy this illusion.

I was blind enough not see other people loving me. I was blind enough not to notice you caring for me. I was busily loving the wrong person while you were waiting for me to love you too.

Sad. We both loved the wrong people.

Ang Pakikipagsapalaran ni Bernardo Carpio, Jr. (2)

PART 2.

Hindi na nahabol ng paningin ni Bathala ang pagtakbo ng mga hayop sa lupa. Sa kaitaasan naman ay nagpapagalingan sa pagkanta ang halos lahat ng mga ibon. Kasalukuyan nilang ginaganap ang isang Amateur Singing Contest. Sayang at hindi naabutan ni Bathala ang ibang mga kandidato at kandidata. Sa ngayon, ang kumakanta ay si Uwak…

“Listen, I am alone at a crossroads
I’m not at home in my own home
And I’ve tried and tried to say what’s on mind
You should have known

Oh, now I’m done believing you
You don’t know what I’m feeling
I’m more than what you made of me
I followed the voice you gave to me
But now I’ve gotta find my own

I don’t know where I belong
But I’ll be moving on
If you don’t, if you won’t

Listen to the song here in my heart
A melody I start but I will complete

Oh, now I’m done believing you
You don’t know what I’m feeling
I’m more than what you made of me
I followed the voice you think you gave to me

But now I’ve gotta find my own, my own”

Umani ng palakpakan si Uwak. Kahit si Bathala na nasa Kaluwalhatian ay hindi napigilan ang pagpalakpak sa paghanga niya kay Uwak.

“Good afternoon Uwak.” Bati sa kanya ni Lawin, isa sa mga hurado sa Singing contest. “How are you feeling today?”

“Thank you. I’m very confident. But a little bit nervous.”

“What is the role of your family in joining this contest?” tanong ulet ni Lawin.

“My family. Uhm.oh. Uh-huh. My family is…”

“Ok na yun. Let’s proceed to my comments.” Patuloy ni Lawin.

“Maganda ang boses mo. Natumbok mo yung high notes. Maganda ang transition. Dahil jan, may nagtext!” Komento ni Lawin kay Uwak.

Muli na namang nagpalkpakan ang mga ibon. At napapangiti ng bahadya si Uwak.

“Oo maganda ang boses mo. Pero hindi ka nababagay dito. Mas bagay ka sa aming grupo. Dahil boses palaka, ang boses mo. – Echoserang Kokak.” Basa ni Lawin sa text message.

Nagtawanan ang ibang ibon. Nagalit naman ang ibang fans ni Uwak dahil sa pang-aasar ni Echoserang Kokak. Subalit ang mga ito ay kay Lawin nagalit. May ibang namato ng hinog na kamatis. Yung iba naman ay sapatos ang ginamit na pamalibang. At tuluyan na ring nagkagulo sa himpapawid.

Wala nang magawa si Bathala sa kaguluhang nagaganap. Pagtingin nya sa kanyang Planggana ng Mundo, nakita rin nyang nagkakagulo na sa may karagatan at ilog.

Tinakluban muna ni Bathala ang kanyang Planggana. Ayaw muna nyang makita ang kaguluhan. Gusto nyang mag-isip ng solusyon sa kanyang napakalaking problema.

Bumalik sya sa kanyang trono. At sa isang sipol nya ay dumating ang isang Sarimanok. Ang pangalan nya ay Magaul. Kaakit-akit pagmasdan ang ganda ng ibon ito. Makulay. Bawat pakpak nito ay may disenyong scroll at dahon. Maganda talaga. Pawang Ibong Adarna sa ganda.

“Bakit nyo po ako ipinatawag Bathala?” tanong ni Magaul. Medyo kinakabahan sya.

“Tulad ng pagkakaalam ng lahat, isa kang ibon na nagdadala ng swerte. Sa ngayon, babaguhin ko ang function mo bilang ibon. Magiging mensahero kita sa loob lamang ng kalhating araw.” Sagot ni Bathala.

“Ano pong ibig nyong sabihin?” tanong ulet ni Magaul.

“Ikalat mo sa buong populasyon ng mga hayop na may pagbabagong magaganap sa buong mundo. Parusa sa kaguluhang ginawa nila kanina. Sabihin mo na kailangan nilang lisanin ang mundo kung hindi ay mamamatay sila. Pumunta silang Pluto kung kinakailangan. Dahil kapag isinagawa ko na ang paghuhukom bukas ng umaga, may malaking pagbabago talaga.”

“Yun lang po ba Bathala?” tanong ni Magaul.

“Yun lamang. Humayo ka na.”

“Masusunod po.”

At noon din ay ikinalat ni Magaul ang masamang balita mula kay Bathala. Maraming hindi makapaniwala. Maraming nagtataka. Ang ibang hayop ay nagsiiyakan. Nagsisisi sa kasalanang ginawa nila.

Kinabukasan… sa Planggana ng Mundo ni Bathala.

“Maghanda kayo sa paghuhukom dahil may pasasabugin ako ngayon.” Sambit ni Bathala. “Lisanin nyo na ang mundong ito kung gusto nyo pang mabuhay.” Pagpapatuloy nya. “Pagkabilang ko ng sampo, nakatago na kayo. Isa.. Dalawa.. Tatlo.. Apat.. Lima.. Anim.. Pito.. Walo.. Siyam..”

“Kuya, wag po.” Ang taning nasambit na lamang ng mga hayop.

“Sampu!” At noon din ay ay sumabog na ang mga bombang inihanda ni Bathala noong nakaraang gabi. Inuna na ang pagpapasabog sa Hiroshima at Nagasaki ng Atomic Bomb. Sa ibang lugar naman ay Hydrogen Bomb. At yung iba naman ay okay na ang dinamita. Nagmistulang Fireworks Display ang nangyari sa mundo. Ang saya.

Sa iba’t-ibang parte ng mundo nagpunta ang mga hayop. Kung saan sila naabutan ng mga pasabog, ay doon sila namatay. (Syempre naman.) At doon rin sumilang ang mga bansa sa mundo.

Subalit hindi tayo dun magfo-focus. Ilagay natin ang ating atensyon sa bansang ito. Ang lugar ng mga BABOY at BUWAYA. Noong una pa lamang pala ay mga buwaya na ang nakatira sa Pilipinas. Hanggang ngayon, Buwaya pa rin ang mga namumuno dito.

—–

itutuloy…