Sixty-one Pesos

The midday sun was burning and blinding me. The sounds produced by the continuous blowing of horns of the vehicles were deafening. It had been my everyday life when I was still a kid.

Death threats were everywhere. The speeding cars that might hit me anytime. The pollution being sniffed and consumed. Climate change. And above all, poverty. Those were death threats that I have avoided until now. Luckily.

Poverty seemed to be my and almost everyone’s toughest adversary, more competitive to down and degrade me than my co-workers on the street.

At a very early age, I had learned to very hard to sustain life. Without parents to guide me, I learned to depend on myself, to use my instinct in everything, to fight, to avoid producing any emotions. I never cried. I never laughed. My face was just always blank, no trace of any feeling. I never thought I could find friends. I never thought I would fall in love. Until I met her one drizzly day.

There was a heavy traffic that time. A good timing to request for alms from my benefactors, a good timing to satisfy my lascivious stomach. If beggars could look really untidy, I appeared untidier than most of them.

My stomach hurt. Really. From the passengers in the jeep, I begged for alms. No one pitied me. The resented me. I tapped every window of the car that stopped, hoping that at least one would show me mercy. Hope did not leave me. A girl maybe that of my age or a little younger than me peeked through their car’s window, her index finger signaling me to come near her. And I sauntered toward her.I thought I got lucky. She gave me three twenty-peso bills and four twenty-five-cent coins. She opened the window fully, ignoring the rain pouring inside the car. And I saw her face. An incomparable beauty. A sweet and sincere smile. Glittering eyes. Everything about her seemed great. Her hair. Her ears. Her pointed nose. Her whit teeth. It was like I was staring at the best portrait with awe registered in my face.

Their car started driving out of the traffic, leaving me staring at the sixty-one pesos she gave me.

I didn’t know how to interpret everything that had just happened. The feeling was new to me. An uncommon excitement. Fast beating of my heart. But, it seemed great.

That night, I didn’t eat my supper, fearing that I’d be able to spend the sixty-one pesos, a small amount of money but an unforgettable memory. I didn’t care if I were very hungry then. What was important was that the money was kept, sealed and treasured.

Starting the next day, I always came and went to that place where we first met, expecting that I’d see her again. This time, failure consumed me. And I still hoped.

______

I haven’t fallen in love with other girls since my first encounter with her. My friends now are teasing me because of that. They just laugh at me everyime i told them about my story. But I didn’t really care.

______

One time, I saw a woman looking totally like her. I have no evidence that she was her, I just know that it was really her. Because I’m a man now. Everything about this girl was familiar. An incomparable beauty. A sweet and sincere smile. Glittering eyes. Her hair. Her ears. Her pointed nose. Her white teeth. Everything seemed unchanged. Except for one thing. My heart. My feelings for her. There was no excitement in me upon seeing her. My heart beat just normally. I didn’t know what was happening. I put my hand inside my pocket, grasped something and procured it.

The sixty-one pesos. Her sixty-one pesos.

Now I realize that I ma not really in love with her.

I am in-love with just the memory of her. I am in-love with the sixty-one pesos.