Huling Habilin

Ako, si Steven Reyes, Pilipino, nasa tamang edad, (sa wakas ay) nakasal kay Ashley Evangelista, ipinanganak noong ika-11 ng Nobyembre 1972, residente sa Taytay, Rizal, nasa matinong pag-iisip (sa awa naman ng Diyos), na kumikilos na naaayon sa sariling desisyon at hindi dahil sa pananakot ng iba, ay nagdedeklara na ang papel na ito ang katibayan ng aking Huling Habilin, sa Filipino, na wika ko.

Idinedeklara ko na:

1. Kapag namatay ako, nais kong ilibing ninyo ang aking mga labi sa ating mausoleum sa may Maynila, hindi sa kung saan-saang patay at maruming ilog ninyo ako itatapon kung ayaw nyong multuhin ko kayo.
2. Sa lahat ng aking mga naging anak: anak kay Ashley, anak kay Linda, anak kay Teresita, Soledad at anak sa iba pa (kung meron man akong naging anak sa tuhod at talampakan), inihahabilin ko sa inyo ang halos lahat ng pag-aari ko. At iyon ay kayo. Ingatan nyo sana ang isa’t-isa.
3. Sa aking mga kapatid, Troy, James at Greg: Salamat sa pag-ako at sa pananagutan nyo kina Linda, Teresita, Soledad at sa mga naging anak namin. Huwag kayong mag-alala. Tuluyan ko na silang inihahabilin sa inyo. Sana makuntento kayo.
4. Sa aking Assistant: Katrina, maraming salamat sa iyong magandang performance sa trabaho. Dahil sayo, umunlad ang aming negosyo. Salamat rin sa pag-extra mo sa amin, kapag busy si misis. Salamat at itinago mong lihim ang ating relasyon at ang relasyon namin ng iba pa. Kung hindi lang sana ako mamamatay na kaagad, ipo-promote sana kita. Pero, hayaan mo na. Ipinapaman ko na sa’yo ang mga pinaghirapan mo. Sa’yo na ang mga papeles mo. Huwag mo na lang tapusin ang mga yun.
5. Sa administrador ng testamentong ito: Wag mo munang ipapabasa ang dokyumentong ito sa asawa ko hangga’t nabubuhay pa ako. Maaring yun pa ang maging dahilan ng pagkamatay ko. Hayaan mo, may ipamamana rin ako sa’yo. Ang asawa ko.
6. Sa aking maybahay: Ashley Evangelista, siguro kapag nalaman mo ang tungkol sa testamentong ito, ay maghuramentado ka. Pero, may karapatan ka naming magalit e. Sana lang ay mapatawad mo ako sa aking mga nagawang kasalanan sa’yo. Wala akong maibibigay, maibabahagi o maipamamana sa’yo. Bukod sa puso ko. Kahit hindi kita masyadong napakain ng husay, nawa’y nabusog kita ng pagmamahal. Mahal kita.

Lahat ng nabanggit sa itaas ay pawing katotohanan lamang. Promise!

Sgd.

Steven Reyes

What A Fool I Am!

Who would have thought that the cold I would easily be tamed by a clumsy girl like Loraine?

It all started with linking me with Loraine. Well, I couldn’t deny the fact that she really has stunning beauty, Einstein-like intelligence, pleasing personality, an admiring confidence and a good sense of humor. But I was not really affected by it. It’s just that I didn’t care. Maybe I fell in love mainly because of her clumsiness above all those things.

I thought I was a wild horse. I knew I really was hard to be tamed. I was stubborn you would lose all of your stored energy to persuade me. But with Loraine, I was like a jellyfish. So soft. I was like a glass. So delicate. She did not put much effort just to capture my stone-built heart.

I was fond of Loraine’s clumsiness. She did not fail to make me love her every time she stumbled down the floor, fell from the first step of the stairs, and slipped accidentally on the wet sidewalk. During those times, I could just compare her to a mirror that would shatter immediately the time it reached the floor. So fragile. I had always wanted to catch her in my arms. I was always there for her. Beside her.

We got so close we were glued to the max. I could feel her intimate feelings for me. And she could feel my poignant love for her. I loved what I had felt inside me. A feeling that was hard to resist. I thought we were okay. So, Loraine thought too.

Like a hot potato, I immediately put away my grip on her. I tried to shoo her away.

I loved her. She loved me. It’s the main reason why I let her go. I was afraid I was not worthy of her. I was afraid I would hurt her. Physically and emotionally. She besought for my return. She cried a lot. But I showed her that I didn’t care.

But it is just now that I came to realize that the moment I let her go was also the same moment I hurt her.

And I knew that definitely, I was a jerk.

Soulmate

I had lived with the idea that all was fair in love and war. And I was right. At least, at first.

Once, in my life, there came a time when I had to force myself to believe that everyone of us had his or her own twin flame. Yes, twin flame. Someone whom I thought would join me for the rest of our lives. Someone I am comfortable to go with. Someone I love. And someone who loves me back.

Someone I thought named Stephanie. She was supposed to be my twin flame. My twin soul. My soulmate. If fate did not just meddle in our own business.

Stephanie was just a plain girl, with long braided hair, pinkish cheeks, reddish and kissable lips, tall and svelte. She was kind, respectful, thoughtful, lovable. I loved her. She loved me. We were happy.

I could not say that we really were compatible to be together. Our thoughts, ideas and outlooks in different aspects of life clash. Chaos was between us every time a squabble occurred. But she was the one who always tried to make things okay again. And I continued loving her because of that.

Steph and I were just two years married. Happily married. And after those two years, we got separated. Our lives were both destroyed. Our marriage expired. She was out of my life. She abandoned me. She chose Him over me. That was three years ago.

I thought she was my soulmate. I knew that might be possible or impossible. Maybe, she really was not. I tried to grieve over her death. I tried to move on. I tried to date other girls after two years, when I thought I was brave enough to face the real world again. I tried to look for my real soulmate.

Yeah. I tried but I failed. Over and over again. I was not able to move on. I was stuck in this lonely world. If she really were my soulmate, then why did she leave me so suddenly? So fast I had not readied myself. I didn’t actually need eternity with her. I just wanted to live with her until senility sucked our breaths. To enjoy our happy moments while they lasted. To have kids and grandsons and granddaughters. But we were deprived of those privileges. And I was deprived of her. My Steph.

Until now, I am still in love with Steph. I don’t think I could, I would and should re-marry. Because one Steph is enough for me.

Maybe the soulmate thing isn’t real. It’s just simply a mystical connotation. No evidence that it is true. I just washed away all the sad thoughts and was grateful that once in my life, I knew I loved and I was loved.

Is there really a soulmate for everyone?

If there is, then why am I alone in this world now?

Cameraman

Every time I see your sweet smile, tears start to fall down my cheeks. All the walls built around me begin to fall. I am afraid it would always be your last smile for me.

I have felt this for so long. The abnormal fast beating of the heart. Always remembering that person. Smiling consistently. Absent-mindedness. Trembling of hands and weakening of the knees and other body parts. Yes. You may think that I am physically ill and mentally disabled. But I know I am in love. Definitely in love.

With just a click on the camera, everyone with me flashed his sweetest and seductive smile. After the first take, it was my turn to capture the class’ pictures. That had always been our daily routine. My daily routine. I was gonna join in the first shoot, and then I would take the next pictures. I have done this voluntarily. I have always considered myself to be the cameraman or the photographer of the class. I know you are curious why.

I have always been addicted to her smile, partly innocent, partly seductive. I have always been touched or affected by it. Maybe that was the first reason why I fell in love with her. Since seeing her first smile on camera, I have always desired to capture every curving of her lips. That way, though we were not close, still I could see her smiling directly at me, looking into my eyes.

I don’t know if I were really obsessed with her. Well, I have just a collection of our class pictures. All from our classmates’ birthday celebrations, field trips, food trip, unexpected walks, etc. To tell you honestly, I have two folders of her in my archives. The first one consists of all of her pics taken by me and the second one, taken by others.

How sweet of me!

I have always readied myself for her last smile. But I have never given much thought to how it would look like. This one was much unexpected, striking. I was able to capture her last smile. But I was sad.

Everything has come to an end. My work as a photographer. My happiness. The cessation of flowing of my tears. The durability of the walls surrounding me. And most importantly, her life.

Her smile. Her smile of goodbye.

And true enough, my worst fear has come to haunt me. Forever.

I will always treasure her smiles. Gone was she, but not the memories.