Fairy Tale

“And the prince and the princess lived happily ever after…” pagtatapos ni Katrina sa kwento nya. Isinarado nya ang aklat na hawak at ibinalik sa bookshelf na kinalalagyan.

“Tita, more stories please. Di pa naman ako inaantok eh.” pagmamakaawa ni Fefe, ang paborito nyang pamangkin, at nag-beautiful eyes pa.

“Sorry kiddo. But my prince is waiting for me. Konti na lang at I’ll be living happily with him.”

“Uy si tita, lumalandi na.” Tukso ni Fefe.

Nagulat si Katrina sa narinig mula sa pamangkin nya. “Anong lumalandi na?! Saan mo naman natututunan ang mga salitang tulad niyan? Ke-bata-bata mo pa, Fefe. Baka mauna ka pang mag-asawa sakin, ha? ”

Natatawa na lang si Fefe. “Basta tita, tell me another story bukas ha?”

“Oo na. Sige na. Labas ka na muna, maghanda lang ako. Tsupi. Tsupi.”

“Okay tita. Good night na rin. Bye.” At tuluyan nang naiwang mag-isa si Katrina sa kwarto nya. Nagpalit ng damit, naglagay ng konting make-up. Ilang minuto pagkatapos nyang mag-ayos, tumawag na ang maid nila.

“Ma’am, may naghahanap po sa inyo.”

“Okay, sige. Susunod na lang ako.”

Tulad ng inaasahan, dumating na nga ang prince charming nya. Si Angelo. Gwapo pero walang ngiti sa kanyang mga labi. Ngunit hindi na sya nagtataka, dahil lagi naman itong seryoso. Kapag nagpatawa si Angelo, nangako si Katrina na magpapamisa sya.

Pagkakita ni Angelo sa kanya, sabay itong tumayo at lumapit sa kanya, upang kunin ang kanyang mga kamay.

“Tara.” Pagyayaya ni Angelo kay Katrina.

Dumeretso na silang dalawa sa kotse. “San mo gustong pumunta?” tanung ni Angelo

“Ewan ko. Ikaw na ang bahala. Kahit nga dito lang eh okay na ako. Basta magkasama tayo.” Sagot ni Katrina.

“Okay. Sige.” Walang kaemosyong-emosyong sagot ni Angelo. At tuluyan na nilang nilisan ang lugar ni Katrina.

Unang dinaanan nila ang isang pamilyar na park. Yung paborito nya. Dun sila unang nagkita ni Angelo habang ipinapasyal nya si Katrina. Tahimik pa rin silang dalawa. Bababa sana si Katrina para malibot ang lugar. Hindi naman madilim ang lugar. Punung-puno kasi ng ilaw. Ang ganda. Subalit pinigilan sya ni Angelo, mahigpit sya nitong hinwakan at umiling lang. Hindi naman sya nagreklamo. Nagtataka sya sa ipinapakita nito ngayon, pero hindi muna sya nagkomento. Ayaw nyang magsalita ng tapos.

Pagka-alis nila ng park, pumunta naman sila sa isang hospital. Ang pangalawang beses nilang pagkikita. Dito kasi sya naka-duty. Noong student nurse pa sya. Kasama ni Angelo ang isang kaibigan noon.

Ang sweet ng mokong. Anu kayang plano nito? Hmmm.sa isip-isip ni Katrina. Ang sarap talagang balikan ng nakaraan no?

Sunod nilang tinungo ang simbahan, pangatlong beses nilang pagkikita. Dun na sila unang nagkausap. Nagkakwentuhan. Nagkuhanan ng cellphone numbers. At nagsilbing hudyat ng pagmamahalan nila.

Hindi na nya kailangang mag-isip ng matagal para mahulaan ang sunod nilang pupuntahan. Isang restaurant. Unang date nila. Pangalawa. Pangatlo. At sunud-sunod pa. Pinakapaborito nyang lugar ito. At dun nga sya dinala ni Angelo.

Inalalayan sya nito sa pagbaba nya ng sasakyan. At tinungo nila ang paboritong spot nya doon, na may nakalagay na maliit na karatulang “reserved”. For sure e para sa kanila yun.

Inihanda nito ang pag-upo nya. Nakakatuwang isiping hanggang ngayon eh may mga gentlemen pa rin (tulad ng author).

“Order ka na.” utos ni Angelo sa kanya.

“May problema ba?” sagot nya, sa halip na umorder sya.

“Wa-wala naman. Order ka na.”

“Usual order ako.”

“Waiter!”

Habang naghihintay. . .

“Magpaliwanag ka nga. Anong ibig sabihin nito?” matigas na tanung ni Katrina.

“Hindi ko alam.”

“Anong hindi ko alam?”

“Hindi ko rin maintindihan ang sarili ko. Kahit ako eh gulung-gulo na rin.” Sagot ni Angelo.

“Mahal mo pa ba ako?”

Matagal bago samagot si Angelo. “Oo.”

“Anong gusto mong mangyari satin?” kinakabahang tanung ni Katrina. Ayaw man nyang marinig, pero sigurado syang yung ang lalabas sa mga bibig ni Angelo.

“Makikipagbreak sana ako sayo.”

“Yun ba ang gusto mo.” Tanung ni Katrina. “O, sige.”

“So, aalis na ba ako? Salamat sa pag-aaya.”

“Kumain ka na muna.”

“Okay.” Napaka-kaswal nya. Ayaw nyang ipakitang mahina sya.

Pagkatapos nilang kumain…

“Sige. Ihahatid na kita.” Pag-aaya ni Angelo.

“Sigurado ka na ba?”

“Saan?”

“Sabi mo mahal mo pa in ako. Pero nakikipag-break ka. Ayos ka rin, tol.”

Tahimik lang si Angelo.

“Kapag iniwan mo ako ngayon, wala ka ng babalikan.” Pagbabanta ni Katrina.

“I don’t know. Basta ang alam ko, love never surrenders. But people do. Please always remember that. And me, if you can.”

“Okay. Gusto ko nang umuwi.” Sagot nya. Nais sana nyang idugtong, para hindi na ako nahihirapang pigilin ang sakit at luha.

Pagdating niya sa bahay, unang nakita nya si Fefe.

“Tita, hindi ako makatulog. Kwentuhan mo let ako. Fairy tale let.”

“Gabi na masyado. Tsaka, pagod na ako.”

“Please tita.”

“WALA NG KWENTO! WALA NG FAIRY TALE!” kahit si Katrina ay nagulat sa pagtataas nya ng boses sa pamangkin. At napaluha sya. “Sorry. Hindi ko sinasadyang pagtaasan ka ng boses.”

Sa halip na umalis ay nanatili lamang nakatayo si Fefe at nagtanung, “May problema po ba tita?”

Napaluha lalo si Katrina.

“Tahan na po kayo tita.” Napaluha na rin si Fefe.

“Eto ang tandaan mo. Hindi ako bida sa isang fairy tale… Para maging masaya habang buhay..”

At nagyakap ang mag-tita.

Kadugo

Hindi ko alam kung kelan nagsimula, kung saan at paano. Basta nahuli ko na lang ang sariling puso kong tumitibok para kay Mitch. Isa ako sa mga minalas na makaramdam ng pagmamahal sa ipinagbabawal. Anu bang magagawa ko? Lahat nga ng bawal eh masarap di ba?

Minsan, ang sarap balikan ng nakaraan. Minsan naman ay para itong isang bangungot na nais mong takasan. Sa kaso ko, hindi ko alam kung paano ako ituturing ang aking nakaraan. Ngayon ay nagbabalik ako sa aming lumang tirahan. Ang gusaling naging saksi sa aking pagtangis, pangangarap, pagmamahal at paglisan. Sa pagbabalik kong ito, hindi ko maiwasang hindi maalala si Mitch.

Si Mitch. Ang babaeng aking pinakamamahal sunod kay ina. Sa edad nya dating labing-lima, nagtaglay na sya ng kakaibang ganda, natatanging halina. Noon ako ay labing-syam na taong gulang. Sa murang isipan, nilamon kami ng kapusukan. Alam ko, at alam ni Mitch na hindi lang basta paghahanap ng init ng katawan ang hanap namin. May mas mataas pa. Forbidden love. Sariwa pa bagong huling isda ang mga ala-ala namin ni Mitch. Simula sa simpleng pagdadampi n gaming mga kamay sa paggawa ng mga gawaing bahay hanggang sa pasikretong pagkikita namin sa kanyang kwarto.

Sa batang edad namin, dala na rin siguro ng pagmamahal at kuryosidad, hindi napigilan ng aming mga katawan ang pagsilakbo ng init. Isang linggo ng umaga, habang walang tao sa bahay naganap ang hindi inaasahan.

Noong una, kinakabahan pa kami pareho. Pero hindi nagtagal at bumigay na kami sa kasayahang dulot ng ginawa namin. Ang sarap sa pakiramdan. Habang tahimik. Feeling naming eh kami sina Adan at Eba bago ipanganak si Cain. Paraiso!

Gusto ko sanang ikwento ang buong detalye mula sa pagplano ng pagpasok naming sa kwarto hanggang sa kung paanu kami nakalabas. Pero, naalala ko na may mga kasintanda ni Mitch ang maaaring nagbabasa na nito ngayon. Ayokong mapariwara ang buhay nila tulad ng pagkasira ng buhay ni Mitch dahil sa katangahan ko, sa kasakiman.

Kung paanong nagtapos ang maliligaya naming sandali ay hindi inaasahan. Nagising na lamang ako sa mumunting pag-iyak ni Mitch sa labas ng kwarto. Bago pa man ako nakalabas papuntang living room, ni hindi na nga akong nag-abalang magsuot pa ng damit o kahit brief man lang, nakasalubong ko na si Itay, dala and isang dos por dos.

“Walang hiya kang bata ka! Paano mo to nagawa sa kapatid mo?” pagalit na sigaw ni Itay habang pinapalo gamit ang kahoy sa aking mga binti. Sa kabilang dako ng bahay, rinig na rinig ko ang panaghoy ni Mitch, nagmamakaawa kay Itay. Nakikita ko syang nagpupumiglas sa mahigpit na pagkakahawak sa kanya ni Inay.

“Bakit sa kapatid mo pa?” sambit ni Inay, sa pagmamakawang boses. Nanunuot sa aking mga buto’t laman ang pagtangis nya. Hindi ko na nga magawang sumilip man lang sa kanya.

“Lumayas ka dito. Hayop ka! Wala akong anak na tulad mo!” dagdag ni itay.

“Kuya..” pahabol na sigaw ni Mitch.

Kahit sa kanya ay hindi ako makatingin. Walang lingon-likod kong tinungo ang aking kwarto. Nag-empake ng gamit at tuluyang nilisan ang aming tahanan.

Mula nang umalis ako ng bahay, hindi ko na muling nakita pa si Mitch kahit ang mga inay at itay. Wala akong naging ideya kung nagkaanak ba kami ng kapatid ko o hindi.

Nagsisisi naman ako sa ginawa kong paglapastangan sa pigging birhen ng aking nakababatang kapatid. Pero hindi ko pinagsisisihan ang pagmamahal ko sa kanya.

Huling Habilin

Ako, si Steven Reyes, Pilipino, nasa tamang edad, (sa wakas ay) nakasal kay Ashley Evangelista, ipinanganak noong ika-11 ng Nobyembre 1972, residente sa Taytay, Rizal, nasa matinong pag-iisip (sa awa naman ng Diyos), na kumikilos na naaayon sa sariling desisyon at hindi dahil sa pananakot ng iba, ay nagdedeklara na ang papel na ito ang katibayan ng aking Huling Habilin, sa Filipino, na wika ko.

Idinedeklara ko na:

1. Kapag namatay ako, nais kong ilibing ninyo ang aking mga labi sa ating mausoleum sa may Maynila, hindi sa kung saan-saang patay at maruming ilog ninyo ako itatapon kung ayaw nyong multuhin ko kayo.
2. Sa lahat ng aking mga naging anak: anak kay Ashley, anak kay Linda, anak kay Teresita, Soledad at anak sa iba pa (kung meron man akong naging anak sa tuhod at talampakan), inihahabilin ko sa inyo ang halos lahat ng pag-aari ko. At iyon ay kayo. Ingatan nyo sana ang isa’t-isa.
3. Sa aking mga kapatid, Troy, James at Greg: Salamat sa pag-ako at sa pananagutan nyo kina Linda, Teresita, Soledad at sa mga naging anak namin. Huwag kayong mag-alala. Tuluyan ko na silang inihahabilin sa inyo. Sana makuntento kayo.
4. Sa aking Assistant: Katrina, maraming salamat sa iyong magandang performance sa trabaho. Dahil sayo, umunlad ang aming negosyo. Salamat rin sa pag-extra mo sa amin, kapag busy si misis. Salamat at itinago mong lihim ang ating relasyon at ang relasyon namin ng iba pa. Kung hindi lang sana ako mamamatay na kaagad, ipo-promote sana kita. Pero, hayaan mo na. Ipinapaman ko na sa’yo ang mga pinaghirapan mo. Sa’yo na ang mga papeles mo. Huwag mo na lang tapusin ang mga yun.
5. Sa administrador ng testamentong ito: Wag mo munang ipapabasa ang dokyumentong ito sa asawa ko hangga’t nabubuhay pa ako. Maaring yun pa ang maging dahilan ng pagkamatay ko. Hayaan mo, may ipamamana rin ako sa’yo. Ang asawa ko.
6. Sa aking maybahay: Ashley Evangelista, siguro kapag nalaman mo ang tungkol sa testamentong ito, ay maghuramentado ka. Pero, may karapatan ka naming magalit e. Sana lang ay mapatawad mo ako sa aking mga nagawang kasalanan sa’yo. Wala akong maibibigay, maibabahagi o maipamamana sa’yo. Bukod sa puso ko. Kahit hindi kita masyadong napakain ng husay, nawa’y nabusog kita ng pagmamahal. Mahal kita.

Lahat ng nabanggit sa itaas ay pawing katotohanan lamang. Promise!

Sgd.

Steven Reyes

What A Fool I Am!

Who would have thought that the cold I would easily be tamed by a clumsy girl like Loraine?

It all started with linking me with Loraine. Well, I couldn’t deny the fact that she really has stunning beauty, Einstein-like intelligence, pleasing personality, an admiring confidence and a good sense of humor. But I was not really affected by it. It’s just that I didn’t care. Maybe I fell in love mainly because of her clumsiness above all those things.

I thought I was a wild horse. I knew I really was hard to be tamed. I was stubborn you would lose all of your stored energy to persuade me. But with Loraine, I was like a jellyfish. So soft. I was like a glass. So delicate. She did not put much effort just to capture my stone-built heart.

I was fond of Loraine’s clumsiness. She did not fail to make me love her every time she stumbled down the floor, fell from the first step of the stairs, and slipped accidentally on the wet sidewalk. During those times, I could just compare her to a mirror that would shatter immediately the time it reached the floor. So fragile. I had always wanted to catch her in my arms. I was always there for her. Beside her.

We got so close we were glued to the max. I could feel her intimate feelings for me. And she could feel my poignant love for her. I loved what I had felt inside me. A feeling that was hard to resist. I thought we were okay. So, Loraine thought too.

Like a hot potato, I immediately put away my grip on her. I tried to shoo her away.

I loved her. She loved me. It’s the main reason why I let her go. I was afraid I was not worthy of her. I was afraid I would hurt her. Physically and emotionally. She besought for my return. She cried a lot. But I showed her that I didn’t care.

But it is just now that I came to realize that the moment I let her go was also the same moment I hurt her.

And I knew that definitely, I was a jerk.

Soulmate

I had lived with the idea that all was fair in love and war. And I was right. At least, at first.

Once, in my life, there came a time when I had to force myself to believe that everyone of us had his or her own twin flame. Yes, twin flame. Someone whom I thought would join me for the rest of our lives. Someone I am comfortable to go with. Someone I love. And someone who loves me back.

Someone I thought named Stephanie. She was supposed to be my twin flame. My twin soul. My soulmate. If fate did not just meddle in our own business.

Stephanie was just a plain girl, with long braided hair, pinkish cheeks, reddish and kissable lips, tall and svelte. She was kind, respectful, thoughtful, lovable. I loved her. She loved me. We were happy.

I could not say that we really were compatible to be together. Our thoughts, ideas and outlooks in different aspects of life clash. Chaos was between us every time a squabble occurred. But she was the one who always tried to make things okay again. And I continued loving her because of that.

Steph and I were just two years married. Happily married. And after those two years, we got separated. Our lives were both destroyed. Our marriage expired. She was out of my life. She abandoned me. She chose Him over me. That was three years ago.

I thought she was my soulmate. I knew that might be possible or impossible. Maybe, she really was not. I tried to grieve over her death. I tried to move on. I tried to date other girls after two years, when I thought I was brave enough to face the real world again. I tried to look for my real soulmate.

Yeah. I tried but I failed. Over and over again. I was not able to move on. I was stuck in this lonely world. If she really were my soulmate, then why did she leave me so suddenly? So fast I had not readied myself. I didn’t actually need eternity with her. I just wanted to live with her until senility sucked our breaths. To enjoy our happy moments while they lasted. To have kids and grandsons and granddaughters. But we were deprived of those privileges. And I was deprived of her. My Steph.

Until now, I am still in love with Steph. I don’t think I could, I would and should re-marry. Because one Steph is enough for me.

Maybe the soulmate thing isn’t real. It’s just simply a mystical connotation. No evidence that it is true. I just washed away all the sad thoughts and was grateful that once in my life, I knew I loved and I was loved.

Is there really a soulmate for everyone?

If there is, then why am I alone in this world now?

Cameraman

Every time I see your sweet smile, tears start to fall down my cheeks. All the walls built around me begin to fall. I am afraid it would always be your last smile for me.

I have felt this for so long. The abnormal fast beating of the heart. Always remembering that person. Smiling consistently. Absent-mindedness. Trembling of hands and weakening of the knees and other body parts. Yes. You may think that I am physically ill and mentally disabled. But I know I am in love. Definitely in love.

With just a click on the camera, everyone with me flashed his sweetest and seductive smile. After the first take, it was my turn to capture the class’ pictures. That had always been our daily routine. My daily routine. I was gonna join in the first shoot, and then I would take the next pictures. I have done this voluntarily. I have always considered myself to be the cameraman or the photographer of the class. I know you are curious why.

I have always been addicted to her smile, partly innocent, partly seductive. I have always been touched or affected by it. Maybe that was the first reason why I fell in love with her. Since seeing her first smile on camera, I have always desired to capture every curving of her lips. That way, though we were not close, still I could see her smiling directly at me, looking into my eyes.

I don’t know if I were really obsessed with her. Well, I have just a collection of our class pictures. All from our classmates’ birthday celebrations, field trips, food trip, unexpected walks, etc. To tell you honestly, I have two folders of her in my archives. The first one consists of all of her pics taken by me and the second one, taken by others.

How sweet of me!

I have always readied myself for her last smile. But I have never given much thought to how it would look like. This one was much unexpected, striking. I was able to capture her last smile. But I was sad.

Everything has come to an end. My work as a photographer. My happiness. The cessation of flowing of my tears. The durability of the walls surrounding me. And most importantly, her life.

Her smile. Her smile of goodbye.

And true enough, my worst fear has come to haunt me. Forever.

I will always treasure her smiles. Gone was she, but not the memories.

Blind

I loved her so much. My life just revolved around her. I have her as my own sun. It might sound corny, but being corny sometimes was part of being in love.

I so loved her that I forgot everything about me. I forgot to hang-out with my friends. To attend mass with my family. To go to different restaurants to eat with my classmates. I almost forgot my name because of her. Yes, I thought I was really going crazy.

I was blinded by her beauty, humor, and intelligence. I gave all my time for her, making me ignore others. I was glad to see her thin lips forming into the cutest smile. I was happy to smell the most fragrant scent. I wanted to hear her jokes then her soft laughter. I desired to listen to her trivia, willing to know more about everything despite the fact that I loathed studying. Many things about me had changed. Because of her. I was not accustomed to change but eventually, I learned to accept it, thinking that change was good, sometimes.

Too bad, we were not together. I wasted all my time thinking of her, imagining that she was mine and I was hers. All this time, I was alone, forcing myself to enjoy this illusion.

I was blind enough not see other people loving me. I was blind enough not to notice you caring for me. I was busily loving the wrong person while you were waiting for me to love you too.

Sad. We both loved the wrong people.

Ang Pakikipagsapalaran ni Bernardo Carpio, Jr. (2)

PART 2.

Hindi na nahabol ng paningin ni Bathala ang pagtakbo ng mga hayop sa lupa. Sa kaitaasan naman ay nagpapagalingan sa pagkanta ang halos lahat ng mga ibon. Kasalukuyan nilang ginaganap ang isang Amateur Singing Contest. Sayang at hindi naabutan ni Bathala ang ibang mga kandidato at kandidata. Sa ngayon, ang kumakanta ay si Uwak…

“Listen, I am alone at a crossroads
I’m not at home in my own home
And I’ve tried and tried to say what’s on mind
You should have known

Oh, now I’m done believing you
You don’t know what I’m feeling
I’m more than what you made of me
I followed the voice you gave to me
But now I’ve gotta find my own

I don’t know where I belong
But I’ll be moving on
If you don’t, if you won’t

Listen to the song here in my heart
A melody I start but I will complete

Oh, now I’m done believing you
You don’t know what I’m feeling
I’m more than what you made of me
I followed the voice you think you gave to me

But now I’ve gotta find my own, my own”

Umani ng palakpakan si Uwak. Kahit si Bathala na nasa Kaluwalhatian ay hindi napigilan ang pagpalakpak sa paghanga niya kay Uwak.

“Good afternoon Uwak.” Bati sa kanya ni Lawin, isa sa mga hurado sa Singing contest. “How are you feeling today?”

“Thank you. I’m very confident. But a little bit nervous.”

“What is the role of your family in joining this contest?” tanong ulet ni Lawin.

“My family. Uhm.oh. Uh-huh. My family is…”

“Ok na yun. Let’s proceed to my comments.” Patuloy ni Lawin.

“Maganda ang boses mo. Natumbok mo yung high notes. Maganda ang transition. Dahil jan, may nagtext!” Komento ni Lawin kay Uwak.

Muli na namang nagpalkpakan ang mga ibon. At napapangiti ng bahadya si Uwak.

“Oo maganda ang boses mo. Pero hindi ka nababagay dito. Mas bagay ka sa aming grupo. Dahil boses palaka, ang boses mo. – Echoserang Kokak.” Basa ni Lawin sa text message.

Nagtawanan ang ibang ibon. Nagalit naman ang ibang fans ni Uwak dahil sa pang-aasar ni Echoserang Kokak. Subalit ang mga ito ay kay Lawin nagalit. May ibang namato ng hinog na kamatis. Yung iba naman ay sapatos ang ginamit na pamalibang. At tuluyan na ring nagkagulo sa himpapawid.

Wala nang magawa si Bathala sa kaguluhang nagaganap. Pagtingin nya sa kanyang Planggana ng Mundo, nakita rin nyang nagkakagulo na sa may karagatan at ilog.

Tinakluban muna ni Bathala ang kanyang Planggana. Ayaw muna nyang makita ang kaguluhan. Gusto nyang mag-isip ng solusyon sa kanyang napakalaking problema.

Bumalik sya sa kanyang trono. At sa isang sipol nya ay dumating ang isang Sarimanok. Ang pangalan nya ay Magaul. Kaakit-akit pagmasdan ang ganda ng ibon ito. Makulay. Bawat pakpak nito ay may disenyong scroll at dahon. Maganda talaga. Pawang Ibong Adarna sa ganda.

“Bakit nyo po ako ipinatawag Bathala?” tanong ni Magaul. Medyo kinakabahan sya.

“Tulad ng pagkakaalam ng lahat, isa kang ibon na nagdadala ng swerte. Sa ngayon, babaguhin ko ang function mo bilang ibon. Magiging mensahero kita sa loob lamang ng kalhating araw.” Sagot ni Bathala.

“Ano pong ibig nyong sabihin?” tanong ulet ni Magaul.

“Ikalat mo sa buong populasyon ng mga hayop na may pagbabagong magaganap sa buong mundo. Parusa sa kaguluhang ginawa nila kanina. Sabihin mo na kailangan nilang lisanin ang mundo kung hindi ay mamamatay sila. Pumunta silang Pluto kung kinakailangan. Dahil kapag isinagawa ko na ang paghuhukom bukas ng umaga, may malaking pagbabago talaga.”

“Yun lang po ba Bathala?” tanong ni Magaul.

“Yun lamang. Humayo ka na.”

“Masusunod po.”

At noon din ay ikinalat ni Magaul ang masamang balita mula kay Bathala. Maraming hindi makapaniwala. Maraming nagtataka. Ang ibang hayop ay nagsiiyakan. Nagsisisi sa kasalanang ginawa nila.

Kinabukasan… sa Planggana ng Mundo ni Bathala.

“Maghanda kayo sa paghuhukom dahil may pasasabugin ako ngayon.” Sambit ni Bathala. “Lisanin nyo na ang mundong ito kung gusto nyo pang mabuhay.” Pagpapatuloy nya. “Pagkabilang ko ng sampo, nakatago na kayo. Isa.. Dalawa.. Tatlo.. Apat.. Lima.. Anim.. Pito.. Walo.. Siyam..”

“Kuya, wag po.” Ang taning nasambit na lamang ng mga hayop.

“Sampu!” At noon din ay ay sumabog na ang mga bombang inihanda ni Bathala noong nakaraang gabi. Inuna na ang pagpapasabog sa Hiroshima at Nagasaki ng Atomic Bomb. Sa ibang lugar naman ay Hydrogen Bomb. At yung iba naman ay okay na ang dinamita. Nagmistulang Fireworks Display ang nangyari sa mundo. Ang saya.

Sa iba’t-ibang parte ng mundo nagpunta ang mga hayop. Kung saan sila naabutan ng mga pasabog, ay doon sila namatay. (Syempre naman.) At doon rin sumilang ang mga bansa sa mundo.

Subalit hindi tayo dun magfo-focus. Ilagay natin ang ating atensyon sa bansang ito. Ang lugar ng mga BABOY at BUWAYA. Noong una pa lamang pala ay mga buwaya na ang nakatira sa Pilipinas. Hanggang ngayon, Buwaya pa rin ang mga namumuno dito.

—–

itutuloy…

But Please, Don’t Blame Me

I miss you. Every second that passes without me seeing you slowly kills me. I am really desperate to tell you that. I was very busy these past few weeks but never did I fail to remember you. I love you. I really do. Words are not enough to describe how happy I am to meet you. All I want in my life is you. I am willing to spend the rest of eternity alone with you.

I fear that my love for you would fade someday. But I am promising you that it would not. I shall never stop loving you. I want you to be safe always. I want to take care of you. Call me possessive, but you are all mine. I will never share you to anyone. I will never leave you. I really love you.

I have always wanted to tell you all of these. And I am sorry for that. I have always wanted to. But I have never said those to you. I am really sorry. I hope you’d forgive me. It’s your entire fault. I would be able to deliver those words in front of you if you just don’t love another guy. I am sorry my dear. But please, don’t blame me.

Because it pains me too.

Has God Abandoned Me?

Has God really abandoned me?

It’s the question that has repeatedly popped on my mind for so long. Shouldering all the misfortunes in life has been the main reason why this question continues to live within my bitter heart. It feels like dying.

The death of my wife and son hit me like a cold and sharp-pointed knife directed through my heart. That was unexpected. As fragile as a glass, my wholeness was divided into shards. I was broken. The reason of their death? My wife’s sensitive delivery. I was miserable. I thought I was going crazy.

I was very emotional. I could not function well. I brought this problem and the sick feeling in my company. I failed to work well. I was careless. Stupid. But what could I do? I lost my family. Didn’t I have any right to grieve over my loss? Good thing, I was able to grieve over the death of my son and wife. The bad thing was, I still did not move on. And the next thing I knew? I was fired. No family. No work. I was broken. I was broke.

My mother was ill. My brother had been sent to jail. I was just so unlucky I wanted to die.

Dying. Since then, it had been my goal. Once, I unknowingly tried to attain it. I was out of my mind.

Has God really abandoned me? God. God. I hated him. I detested him. I just wished i was not born at all.

God. I searched God. Everywhere. I searched Him in every church, school, restaurant. Everywhere. Too bad, I didn’t find him. Has God really abandoned me?

I tried to commit suicide. I jumped from the overpass. I tried to resist myself from shouting. I didn’t know how to react. I just found myself mumbling a prayer.

And then I fell. I didn’t know if I was unconscious. Or dead. I could just see a total darkness. Then pure white. There was a silhouette of a man. He was asking me to stand up. And when I did, I found myself in the dump truck. Beside me was a smiling image of Sto. Nino. Upon seeing his smile, I could not help myself but to smile too.

Has God really abandoned me? I think this has been answered. No. God has not really abandoned me. I have abandoned him. I know He was giving me a second chance. To live and change.

I searched God. Everywhere. I searched Him in every church, school, restaurant. Everywhere. Too bad, I didn’t find him. But He found me.

After that incident, I decided to go back to our house. I took care of my sick mother. I visited my brother in the jail. I went to the cemetery.

And I found myself walking toward the nearby church.

It was refreshing. There was a sense of rejuvenation, of rebirth. I gave a sigh of relief. An emotion felt after surpassing all the storms in life. Standing still. And alive. Being able to still be linked with God.

Ang Pakikipagsapalaran ni Bernardo Carpio, Jr.

PART 1.

Noong unang panahon, wala pang liwanag at puwos kadiliman lamang. Tanging si Bathala ang nananahan sa buong kalawakan at sansinukuban. Isang araw ay naaburido sya. Wala syang makausap. Wala syang makita.

“Let there be light!” sabi nya. And so there was light. Isa-isang nagsindihan ang mga kandilang lumulutang. Medyo may kadiliman pa rin.

“More lights!” Nag-ilawan lahat ng light bulbs, fluorescent lights at lamp shades. “May liwanag ang buhay.” Nasambit ni Bathala. “Hay. Mapapamahal siguro ang ibabayad ko sa Meralco. Tsk. kailangan ko ng kahati sa pagbabayad. Pero, paano kaya?” Sandali syang nag-isip at nagpamulsa. “Kung maglalalang ako, saan sila titira?” Sa isang kumpas ng kamay ni Bathala, nawalan ng kuryente. Nawala ang mga ilaw, ang mga kandila. Pero maliwanag pa rin. Natagpuan nya ang sariling lumulutang sa kalawakan. Nakita nya ang mga nagkikislapang mga bituin kabilang na ang Haring Araw. Sa paligid ng Araw ay may siyam na planetang umiikot. Bawat planeta ay may kanya-kanyang angking alindog. Hindi sya makapili. kaya nag-mini-mini-mayni-mo si Bathala at sa luntiang Mundo napatapat ang dulo ng hintutro niya. Noon nya naisipan na lumikha ng iba’t-ibang uri ng mga bagay na may buhay. Nagkaroon ng mga puno at halaman. Iba’t-ibang klase ng mga hayop. mayroong pang-lupa, pandagat at panghimpapawid.

Nagiliw si Bathala sa kanyang nakita, sa kanyang masterpiece. Hindi nya inakalang makakagawa sya ng ganoon sa tanang buhay nya. Naluluha sya.

“Tama na nga ang dramang ito.” Bumalik na si Bathala sa kanyang trono sa Kaluwalhatian. Mula sa isang plangganang puno ng tubig, pinanood nya ang buong mundo. Napakatiwasay sa mundong ibabaw. Ang mga ibon ay nag-aawitan.

“Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad romance
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad romance

Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
Roma-roma-mamaa!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!
Want your bad romance

Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
Roma-roma-mamaa!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!
Want your bad romance”

Sabay-sabay na kanta ng mga ibong pipit, kalaw at agila. Pakiramdam ni Bathala ay magaling na sya sa robotics. Kasabay nyang napaindak ang mga puno at halaman. Masyado atang napagod si Bathala. Nag-flanax muna sya at tuluyan ng nagpahinga. Dumaan ang ilang linggo na pawang katahimikan at katiwasayan ang nangyayari. Natutuwa sya na walang kaguluhang nagaganap.

“I now declare myself the King of the Forest.” sabi ni Leon. Kitang-kita ang kakisigan nito at katapangan. Pati na rin ang kayabangan.

O, hindi! Hindi to maaari! pag-iisip ni Bathala.

“May tumututol ba sa deklarasyong iyon ni haring Leon?” pasigaw na tanong ni Pusa, ang nagboluntaryong maging sekretarya ni Leon. Walang sumagot sa tanong. Halata sa mga mukha ng mga hayop sa gubat ang takot. Subalit ang iba ay walang pakialam. Nagkamot lang sa ulo si Unggoy. Habang palihim naman na sinusundot-sundot ni Elepante ang loob ng kanyang ilong. Pasulyap-sulyap sa paligid, natatakot na may nagmamasid sa kanya. Bigla na lang nagulat ang lahat. Pati si Elepante na nasa climax na ng ginagawa nya. Konti na lang eh, masusungkit na nya ang tagumpay. Subalit natigil dahil sa sigaw ng isang boses sa may di kalayuan.

“Ako.” Nanggaling ang boses na iyon sa may kaliwang dako ng entablado. Lumingon sa direksyon na yun sina haring Leon at Pusa. Napalingon na rin ang iba pang hayop. Lahat ay nagulantang ng makita si Baboy.

“Hindi ako yun!” Tanggi agad ni Baboy.

“Ako yun.” Hinanap nila ang boses. Pagtingin nila sa may paanan ni Baboy, andun si Langgam. Kumakaway-kaway pa para mapansin kaagad. Labis na nagulat ang lahat sa katapangang ipinamalas ni Langgam.

“Bakit ka tumututol? Lalaban ka ba?” Pagalit na tanong ni Haring Leon kay Langgam.

Nakatayo lang si Langgam, taas-noo. “Hindi. Because I won’t stoop down to your level. Gusto ko lang umeksena. No?!” para syang si Pres. Gloria Arroyo nung banggitin nya yung “no”. Susugod na sana si Haring Leon, na ikinagulat ng lahat. Mabuti na lamang at napigilan sya ni Pusa. nakahinga ng maluwag ang lahat sa nangyari. Pati si Elepante na iba ang dahilan ng pagbuntong-hininga. Inihagis nya ang mumunting bagay na nagmula sa ilong nya at inihagis pataas, na nahulog sa mga buhok ni Aso na naging dahilan ng pangangati nito. Inakala naman ni Unggoy na garapata yun kaya nagmadali syang kutuhan si Aso. Nang nakita nya na kulangot pala, naihagis rin nya iyon at nagpasa-pasa na sa lahat ng hayop. Hanggang sa makarating sa bibig ni Leon.

“Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh..” Galit na sigaw ni Leon. Dahil sa takot, nagmadaling magtakbuhan ang mga hayop sa iba’t-ibang direksyon.

————

itutuloy

ELMO is My Son…?

“Elmo! I want Elmo!” panaghoy ni Gelo. Kanina pa sya umiiyak. Ginawa na lahat ni Mrs. Lucinda para patahanin ang kanyang anak.

“Gelo, dear. This is Elmo. Look. It’s beautiful.” Pagpupumilit ni Mrs. Lucinda sa manikang hawak nya.

“Mom, since when did Elmo become as black as a negro? Elmo is not Dora. Definitely, he is not!” Lalong lumakas ang iyak ni Gelo. Napapangiti na lang ang mga salesladies at iba pang customers sa boutique na yun.

Unti-unting bumaba si Mrs. Lucinda para mapantayan ang height ng 7-year old son nya. “Pag hindi ka pa tumigil sa pag-iyak na bata ka, malilintikan ka talaga sakin.” Bulong ni Mrs. Lucinda sa anak nya, may halong pagbabanta.

“Elmo! Elmo!” mahina na lang ang pag-iyak niya. “I don’t want anything but Elmo.” Hindi na pinansin ni Mrs. Lucinda ang panaghoy ni Gelo. Bagkus ay nagpaka-busy sya sa paghahanap ng damit na isusuot sa pag-mamajong sa bahay nila mamaya. Sosyal! Kaya hindi na nya napansin ang pag-alis ni Gelo sa boutique na yon.

Mataman pa ring namimili ng damit si Mrs. Lucinda. Hindi na napansin ang pagtahimik ni Gelo. Pagkatapos makapag-decide ng bibilhing damit, tinawag nya si Gelo. Nang hindi marinig ang pagsagot na anak, inilibot nya ang paningin sa kabuuan ng boutique. Pero wala ang anak nya. Kinabahan na sya. Tinungo nya ang exit at tatanungin sana ang guard kung nakita nya ang abak nya. Pero wala ang guard. Isang malambing na Putik! na lang ang nasambit nya.

Tuluyan na syang lumabas ng boutique. At may narinig sya. Sa may di kalayuan. Isang matinding busina ng kotse. At sigaw ni Gelo.

“Oh my God!” matinding bulalas ni Mrs. Lucinda. Tinungo nya ang pinanggalingan ng banggaan. isang malungkot at medyo galit na lalaki ang lumapit sa kanya.

“Kayo po ba ang ina ng bata?” tanong nung lalaki.

“Opo. Ako nga.” Nangingiyak-ngiyak na sagot ni Mrs. Lucinda. “Kamusta po ang anak ko?” medyo nanghihina na rin sya. Nawawalan ng lakas ng loob.

“Wala po kayong kwentang ina! Alam nyo po ba kung gaano kahalaga ang mga anak para sa mga magulang? Wala kayong ipinagkaiba sa mga inang ipinapa-abort ang kanilang mga inosenteng anak. Ako. Kahit kailan, hindi nabiyayaan ng anak. Tanging yun lang ang hiniling ko sa Panginoon. Pero para syang binging hindi ako narinig. Pero, hindi naman ako galit sa kanya. Siguro nga, may iba syang plano para sa akin. Naiinggit ako sa inyo. Sobra. Kung pababayaan mo lang siguro ang anak mo, sana ipina-abort mo na lang din sya o di kaya’y ipinaampon. Sana, sa susunod, mas pahalagahan mo ang anak mo.” Litanya ng lalaki. Medyo inantok si Mrs. Lucinda sa sinabi nito. Pero aminado sya na tama naman ang lalaki. Kaya di na sya nakipagtalo. Mas binigyang-pansin nya ang huling sinabi nito: Sana, sa susunod, mas pahalagahan mo ang anak mo.

“Ang ibig sabihin po ba nito ay buhay pa ang anak ko?” magalang na tanong ni Mrs. Lucinda sa lalaki. Ang kanyang ngiti ay may halong ka-plastikan.

“Opo. Ayun sya oh.” Itinuro ng mama ang direksyon ni Gelo. Tuwang-tuwa sya na makitang buhay pa ang anak nya. This time, totoo talaga. Walang halong plastik. Hindi na sya nagpaalam pa at nagpasalamat sa lalaki. Pagtalikod ni Mrs. Lucinda ay binanggit nya ang mga katagang ito: Buhay pa pala ang anak ko. Sana sinabi kaagad nya. Ang dami-dami pang sinabing kung anu-ano lang. Tsk. Tsk. Echoserong tsismoso. Hmp.

Tuluyan na nyang nilapitan ang anak nya at niyakap ng mahigpit.

“Elmo. I’m glad you’re alive!”

“Mommy, are you angry with me?” tanong ni Gelo.

“Bakit naman Elmo, my dear?” sagot na patanong ni Mrs. Lucinda.

“Kasi po nasasakal na ako sa inyo.” Medyo naluluha-luha pang sagot ni Gelo.

“Ay sorry naman, anak.” Lumuwag na ng konti ang yakap nito sa kanya.

“Eh mommy, ampon nyo po ba ako?”

“Hala! Hindi no? Ano ka ba naman Elmo? Saan mo ba naman napulot yang isispin na iyan?”

“Eh kanina pa po kasi kayo Elmo ng Elmo eh. Gelo naman po ang name ko.”

Ay, oo nga pala. Sa isip na lang nabanggit ni Mrs. Lucinda. At ngumiti.

“Nga pala, sino ang nagligtas sa’yo?”

Itinuro ni Elmo ang direksyon ng lalaking nakausap kanina ni Mrs. Lucinda. Paglingon nya, andun pa rin ang lalaki. Pero tuluyan na ring tumalikod sa kanila.

“Ang echoserong tsismoso pala.” Mahinang sabi ni Mrs. Lucinda. Thank you, sambit ni Mrs. Lucinda sa isip nya. Bukal sa loob nya ang pasasalamat nya sa Echoserong Tsismosong yon. Utang nya sa kanya ang buhay ng anak nya. Hindi nya makakalimutan ang mga sinabi nito sa kanya kanina.

“May sinabi ka ba Mommy? Yung tsismoso ba yun? Ano po yun, Mommy?”

“May binanggit ba ako anak?”

“Meron po.”

“Sabi ko, bibili tayo ng maraming Elmo.”

At masayang-masaya si Gelo.

Her Pair of Red Shoes

I could see them from where I was. The two of them. A boy and a girl. Couple, I thought so. They were walking very slowly. They were talking. But it seemed that there was a problem. If I were not wrong, they were having an argument. Misunderstanding, maybe. The girl started to look down and clear waters fell from her eyes. I wanted to comfort her. I hated it everytime I saw a girl crying because of their stupid boyfriends. When she looked up, anger registered over her face. But it did not affect her angelic face because sadness still stood out. She shouted over his boy. But I did not hear her words.

The girl then stopped walking and sat on the nearest bench. The boy continued to walk, as if he were alone. She procured something from her bag. A pair of shoes? I thought. I was not mistaken. A pair of black shoes. She removed the pair of red shoes she was wearing and started to don the black ones.

She ran towards the boy who was still walking and threw the pair of red shoes towards his back. I felt a slight sense of gladness when she did that. The boy looked back. I readied myself in case the boy thought to revenge. It was a good thing he did not do any bad thing. He just looked at the girl first then at the red shoes. The girl just walked opposite the guy’s direction. And so the boy too, leaving the pair of red shoes in the sidewalk.

What a sad goodbye! I thought again. I walked towards the shoes and picked up the pair. I put them inside my backpack and and went back home. I checked the shoes and put them in my shoe rack, along with my favorite shoes. The next day, I went back to the park where I saw the boy, the girl and the red shoes.

Unfortunately, I just found myself alone in the park. The next day, I went back. But still, no trace of the girl. I hoped. But I never saw her again.

I was not sure if I fell in love with the girl. All I was sure of was to have to see the girl again to return the shoes to her. But as days passed by, I felt more intimate emotions for the girl. Maybe that was the reason why I always looked for her. Not just to return the shoes.

Because of this, I pitied myself.

I loved a girl. Too bad, I had just seen her for once. Hopes and prayes were my only companions in this unlucky journey in life.

And the only thing that strengthened my hopes is the pair of red shoes. Her pair of red shoes. The only thing that linked her with me. The only entity that made me continue to love her. Despite her absence.

Euthanasia

“Thanks Dr. Pedraja for saving my daughter’s life.” “I owe you my life.” “Thank you for the second chance, Dr. Pedraja.”

Those are some of the lines I usually hear from my patients or from my patient’s relatives. Hearing those words helps me feel relaxed after the day’s work. Saving lives has been my responsibility ever since. Maybe it is innate. I have always desired to become a doctor. I am pro-life. I am totally not in accordance with abortion. But when it comes to euthanasia or killing out of mercy, my stance toward life changes.

For years, I have cured many patients, operated on some, and tried to tend to all of their needs. All of them were treated but sadly, a few were not totally healed. Some stayed comatose. They were still breathing, but there was no certainty that they would still wake up. Guess what I did? It seemed that there was some kind of a demonic spirit that consumed me every time a patient of mine was in a dying state, no chance to recover. I usually killed patients. Out of mercy. Continuous increase in hospital bills might be a minor reason. I just desired to suppress his suffering. To relieve his pain. Pain was unavoidable. But seeing someone in grief continuously wounded my emotionally weak heart. I am pro-life. It is really hard for me to personally kill someone. Failure to salvage someone kills me too.

As much as possible, I always try my best not to get to the point in which I have to kill. My mind and my heart have always been pre-occupied with my patients and their health conditions. I am pre-occupied with them that I have neglected my family’s health status. I never knew that my son’s life was in trouble.

I was late. To know everything. I was so insensitive. To learn about my son’s sickness. Too late to cure him. To tend to him. I hated myself. I hate myself. And I shall continue to hate myself. Because of that. There is no one to blame except for myself.

Like some of my patients, my son belonged to those unlucky people who were innocent to get themselves killed. By me. I have done my best to operate on him. To bad, I still failed. For weeks, he has been sleeping. Thanks to the machine that continued to sustain his life.

I know there was no more chance for second life. So this demonic spirit was trying very hard to consume me again. But I continued resisting it. For the first time, I hated to kill. How could I? It’s my son! My flesh. My blood.

Now, I learned about my patients’ relatives’ feelings everytime they are about to unplug the most important machine of all. I was so unfair. I always convinced my patients relatives to turn off the machine. But I myself couldn’t.

So my wife decided for me. She told me that ir I were not to pull the plug, then she would do it for me.

I didn’t want to see her hand getting dirty. So I decided too. I pulled the plug. And I immediately left my profession. And promised not to kill anymore.

And everything about me changed.

Except for this simple truth:

I was Dr. Ronnie Pedraja. I was pro-life. And once in my life, a part of my past haunts me. I was once a certified notorious killer.