Soulmate

I had lived with the idea that all was fair in love and war. And I was right. At least, at first.

Once, in my life, there came a time when I had to force myself to believe that everyone of us had his or her own twin flame. Yes, twin flame. Someone whom I thought would join me for the rest of our lives. Someone I am comfortable to go with. Someone I love. And someone who loves me back.

Someone I thought named Stephanie. She was supposed to be my twin flame. My twin soul. My soulmate. If fate did not just meddle in our own business.

Stephanie was just a plain girl, with long braided hair, pinkish cheeks, reddish and kissable lips, tall and svelte. She was kind, respectful, thoughtful, lovable. I loved her. She loved me. We were happy.

I could not say that we really were compatible to be together. Our thoughts, ideas and outlooks in different aspects of life clash. Chaos was between us every time a squabble occurred. But she was the one who always tried to make things okay again. And I continued loving her because of that.

Steph and I were just two years married. Happily married. And after those two years, we got separated. Our lives were both destroyed. Our marriage expired. She was out of my life. She abandoned me. She chose Him over me. That was three years ago.

I thought she was my soulmate. I knew that might be possible or impossible. Maybe, she really was not. I tried to grieve over her death. I tried to move on. I tried to date other girls after two years, when I thought I was brave enough to face the real world again. I tried to look for my real soulmate.

Yeah. I tried but I failed. Over and over again. I was not able to move on. I was stuck in this lonely world. If she really were my soulmate, then why did she leave me so suddenly? So fast I had not readied myself. I didn’t actually need eternity with her. I just wanted to live with her until senility sucked our breaths. To enjoy our happy moments while they lasted. To have kids and grandsons and granddaughters. But we were deprived of those privileges. And I was deprived of her. My Steph.

Until now, I am still in love with Steph. I don’t think I could, I would and should re-marry. Because one Steph is enough for me.

Maybe the soulmate thing isn’t real. It’s just simply a mystical connotation. No evidence that it is true. I just washed away all the sad thoughts and was grateful that once in my life, I knew I loved and I was loved.

Is there really a soulmate for everyone?

If there is, then why am I alone in this world now?