Tears No More

Nothing lasts forever. Holding on to something or someone you love might be tiring one day. Like a leaf in a tree, I am trying my best to hold still, trying not to leave behind the one I love. But no matter how hard I endeavor to cling like a vine, there is something that forces me to leave.

Like the wind, this disease that devours my weak body and mind blows me away from her. Every day and night, I see her shedding tears because of me. And it pains me. Who, among you, desire to see your loved ones’ faces being flooded with tears out of loneliness? Out of suffering?

For two weeks, I’ve been confined in this exclusive hospital. For two weeks, I’ve been visited by my lover, Rhoma. So it means that she’s been shedding tears for 14 consecutive days. According to my doctor, I still have one day to live. And that makes me happy. Weird? Maybe. But I don’t care. If this weirdness were her savior from this misery, then I would be willing to become weird as long as I live.

One day and I am going to leave her. It is really hard for me. Saying goodbye to Rhoma would be the hardest thing to do. She still doesn’t know that she would be single after 24 hours or less. I am still confused if I am going to tell her the truth. This might add tears to her. And I hate it. Somebody, help me please.

Tonight, she’ll be visiting me again. Maybe, I will tell her the truth later. I don’t know how she is going to react. I know she would be angry. But what could I do? If you were in my place, would you dare tell her the truth? Maybe yes. Maybe no. I’m getting sleepy now. I think the drug injected to me causes this drowsiness.

When I woke up, I felt immediately her presence. I heard the sounds of her crying. I slowly opened my eyes and looked toward her direction. She looked “more dead” than me. Her eyebags were obviously black, thick. Her face was very white. She looked really dead except for her wailing and tears.

She laid her eyes on me, stood up and approached me. And she said, “How could you do this to me? I have loved you for years.” She paused for a while and spoke again. “Never did I request anything from you except for your love. Never did I forget our anniversaries. Never did I get angry with you. Never did I forget to love you. All these years, I thought you really love me.”

“I love you. I really do.” I interrupted her.

She continued. “You love me? Really? But how could you keep a simple truth from me? How could you do this to me? How dare you not tell me that you are going to leave me so soon? I had no idea. I don’t know.” She sobbed again.

“Do you think it is that easy for me? The thought of leaving you alone in this vast world truly hurts me. What more if I really leave you? Without anyone to look after you. Without anyone to guide you. To wipe your tears when you cry. To be leaned on to. To serve as your light in the dark. I love you. I just don’t know how to say goodbye to you, without hurting you.”

After she heard my words, she turned and walked away. I saw her wipe her tears before she even reached the door. My heart beat very slowly. With that, I know that I could now sleep peacefully, serenely. And I am really certain that this will put an end to her suffering. And it would be tears no more.

Bye Rhoma. Forever.